Dim Wits And Dumb Quotes



I have never really understood the deal with English . Of course , it is a very British language , and as the new version of M S Word would vouch , even more American . But then , every language has its origin, it always takes a monkey to make a chatter , though I would much prefer them silent , and a lot less irritating , its nothing to be unduly proud of . Just because the English managed to land up on the shore of some dozen nations , uninvited and unannounced , and seasick , doesn’t give them the right to proclaim their language as being something ‘magically enchanting and enigmatic , and so majestically superior to any tongue ever spoken ‘. There's nothing more special about English than Zulu , or the hundred thousand native languages spoken all around the world . If you have your word’s worth , I have my word’s worth. What makes you assume I don’t ? In fact , the language is littered with such inanely stupid dialogues and monologues , that they almost incite us to be perfectly horrid and mean to them . Take these for example :



1. Et Tu Brute : Now , you don’t go through an entire play , speaking fluent Shakespearean English ( or was it Victorian ),taken right out of the Oxford dictionary , and just when you reach the climax ,the part every one had been waiting for, for all they ever wanted to see was irascible narcissists like you get murdered , you blabber out some ‘Latin mumbo jumbo’ , leaving the audience confused as to what really is happening , and where the second Brutus possibly arrived from . Sure as hell, there was one on stage , but there was no doubting Caeser’s superior knowledge as to the number of Brutuses actually present .It is , after all ,your play , your murder , and certainly, you have the final say in how many Brutuses you want to be murdered by .

And what’s with the meek apologetic tone . You were set to become the ruler of the Roman empire , and you have just been betrayed by your closest friend , and then murdered , and the audience expect something fiery from you, full of angst and fury , like ‘Vengeance shall be mine ‘ or ‘see you in hell ‘ , and all that you can manage is a sorry little ‘you too Brutus’ ! Have a sense of occasion, will you .Its as if you were more intent on counting your murderers
‘ok , so there’s you , Cassius , and you, Casca, wasn’t really expecting you, and you too , Brutus ‘.

2. To be or not to be : The mother of all letdowns .The stage was set, people had been murdered , and as was the norm those days , had duly transformed into blabbering ghosts . And of-course , like all ghosts who had died of poison poured down their ears , they wanted retribution , and , and had started popping up in the

dreams of our Prince Charming , dressed as his father ,revealing a diabolically strange and damnable, tangled web of intrigue so fiendish, so infernal, so heinous and so utterly confusing that it coerced our young prince, against all his common sense ,and its lack, there of , to believe that it , in reality , was his uncle who was guilty of his Father’s murder .Now , what more evidence do you want ,videotapes, and your uncles candid confession on a camera. There was a whole bleeding ghost , and there was your uncle , on his knees , praying to God , all testimony of his sin . Sure , innocent men don’t pray . Now it was time for action, time for you to walk in there , grab him by the head , and avenge your father’s death ,and maybe , just to entertain the audience, spice up the act by throwing in a dialogue or two. Something like ‘ Even with the blood that flowed from thee , Father, thou art avenged ‘, or maybe , if you want it to be a little less dramatic, and more American, something like ‘ die, bastard , die ‘.

But you decided the moment was not right , the signals were not appropriate . What signals did you possibly want ? Did you expect your uncle to hold aloft a ‘kill me coward’ placard over his head , r throw a grand party in celebration of your father’s death ? Rather , you decided that this would be more of an appropriate time to start philosophizing . And then you deliver the mother of all monologues , ‘to be or not to be’ (sure , there was a whole lot more gibberish before it, and a whole lot more that followed , but this really was the crux ) , and some how , this was supposed to be a question . Well , may be , you were too busy procrastinating the day they taught ‘how to frame a question ‘ in school. Well , lets take a look at some well framed questions , so that you may learn by example .

A . Is Hamlet the ultimate authority on Father issues? Discuss.

B. Have you noticed that in Shakespeare's plays, when a character claims to have seen a ghost,

he usually has? Were people more reliable in these days? Were ghosts?

C . Compare and contrast the character of Hamlet to common-day emo kids.

D. Would this play have been better if Hamlet and Ophelia had slept together?

E . Did Hamlet really cleft his mom's heart in twain? Do you understand what the hell that even means? What would Mark Twain think of this?

F . How the hell does one cleft another's heart in twain? Could it involve scissors?

G .Why is suicide the correct route for Hamlet?

H . Why do poison-in-the-ear murders produce ghosts every time?

I . Did William Shakespeare mean to completely rip off the plot from The Lion King or did it just happen by accident? Justify your answer.

That’s it for now guys , hope to be back with some more soon .

3 comments:

Anonymous

Excellent post!
I could argue on the "Et Tu, Brute" point, though! Julius Caesar was betrayed by his closest friend and that fact overwhelmed him! He couldn't say anything else!
But later on,he does take vengeance on Brutus by appearing in his tent in Sardis before the Battle at Philippi. He actually scares the shit out of Brutus (quite evident from the fact that he's petrified that the candle was becoming dim, indicating the presence of a spirit!)!

Pramod

Et tu Abhijeet,
Superb one.

Abhijit Bhattacharyya

@Yash : thanks...and betrayal by your closest friend is hardly reason enough to speak Latin .

Pramod :Thanks .

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