GHOST OF THE CHRISTMAS PAST

‘So where was i’,i asked?

‘No no,you were right here,typing your blog,and you fell asleep midway through’,he said.

‘So wheres the blog?’

I don't know,i,i have no idea,i swear i did do nothing,sir,i swear on the life of my unborn children Lucy and Lu’...

And who exactly are you??

‘Ghost of the Christmas past,sir’,he answered with a kind of rekindled confidence that it might have brought the colour back to his face,had he been human,but his spiral body form betrayed the stage of his ephemeral life much like mine eyes do in an examination hall.



‘Ghost of the Christmas past,eh?’,I asked,snobbishly.’been reading too much Dickens,have you?’.

‘No sir, i really am’.

‘So,you are christian?’

‘Why sir,are you religious?i thought,it wouldn’t make much of a difference to you’.

‘R u British?’

‘Nay sir,not that too,i am Hindu,and i am Indian,and as Indian as a person can ever be’.

‘So why do you call your self ”ghost of Christmas past”?’.

‘I don't know sir,its tacky.Bengali names for ghosts are not that great.whoever wants to be called a “mamdo” or “petni”?its almost like calling a tiger “kedo”.you see sir,you have such a great name,Abhijit,but what do people at home call you?”bubai” and “babu”.Such names never allow us to conquer the great heights we are destined to.But still,they are better than the name your friends call you by.”Panu”.Now sir,thats obscene.They grind you down,and they ground you.Nay sir,i am not gonna be called a mamdo all my life.’

‘But you could have christened yourself after the Durgapuja.’

No sir.how can i,she is the Bengali incarnation of the ghost busters.Have you ever seen ma Kali,decked by a garland of skulls,my brothers skulls.No sir.Ghost of the Christmas past is what i am and will remain.Its tacky,and its powerful.

‘so why do you come?’

‘Sir,to remind you,that as a Hindu and a brahmin,you shouldn't be consuming so much alcohol,and shouldn’t be watching porn.And yes,you shouldn’t be smoking pot.And you should stop ogling at girls’.

‘You come to tell me this?oh,come on,old world,conservative you,its time to change.Look around you,its May,and its getting all steamy and torrid out there. The very worst thing we could do right now is start shaming male sluts for their promiscuous behavior! The more, the better, because who else is gonna do the job? And its not like i am unloading all the time,mere ogling never did much harm.As for the porn,all i can say is,in India,in conservative India,its the one single way of streaming our you tubes.Now,no one can possibly deny me that right,and also,its good market economics.I am helping maintain the balance of supply and demand.’

By now he looked jaded,not finding much fault in my logic.’You see sir,I never had much problem with you enjoying your life,but we do feel jealous,for we are pretty incapable of leading a similar life’
‘Why so?’i asked.
‘Sir,we are ghosts,condemned to skeletal forms,and sir you don't get bootylicious skeletons.What are we to ogle at,rib cages?oh,the pain of being a ghost.’
‘then,i thinks,you should start smoking pot’.
‘guess i should’,and he left.

I awoke a few hours later,to find an empty room,and this blog that doped me had typed in his stupor.One lesson,never smoke weed in broad daylight.